It doesn’t have to be someone else though.
Heartbreak is a pretty bad thing. It might just be one of the worst non-physical pains that human beings go through, and almost everyone experiences it at least once in their lifetime. The funny thing about heartbreak is, it’s actually nobody’s fault. Of course, you don’t feel that way amidst all that angst while you’re going through one. But if you manage to get over one, and you most certainly do every single time, you would see in retrospect why I’m saying so.
Us humans, we crave attachment. It’s all Chemistry really — but then, what isn’t? In reality, this undying desire for human connection drives a great number of major decisions in lives. These decisions come to define our being, and we end up living a life shaped by things that have not been in our control at all. When things go wrong, we conveniently find the other party guilty, or shift the blame to a third factor altogether, and in the worst scenario — ourselves. The emotional duress we are into at that moment flips off all logical reasoning and we spiral into despair. What a sad state of affairs!
Needless to say, I’ve been through quite a few heartbreaks myself — romantic and platonic. You fall enough times, and you start finding the root of the weed to kill it. What I’ve realized is, expecting the other party to hold up their end of the promise, however strong the perceived bond may be, is highly illogical.
Here’s why I think so.
When you make a promise, either explicitly verbal or unspoken, both the parties involved are in a specific state of being — say A1 and B1. These states of being are affected by numerous internal and external factors around everyone; personal and professional. After some time has passed, both people’s state of being has gone through numerous and humongous change because of the sheer pace of life today, and our constant state of moving from one thing to the other all the time. People’s priorities change, their aspirations and goals take a different turn, or they might have re-discovered their true passion for painting instead of that 9-to-5 desk job. Or they might have fallen for someone else, like they had once fallen for you. Or it could be something that’s much less obvious than any of these but way more profound. It could be either of these people, or both at the same time, or none of them yet. What happens between (A1, B1) to (A2, B2), thus, completely determines the fate of your relationship at the time of consideration.
Considering this perspective, who’s to blame then? Even if the other party left you for someone else and your soul’s hurting, the chances of you having left them for someone else are equally probable — logically speaking. This might seem implausible to accept when it actually counts, but it’s a perfectly reasonable premise in the retrospect.
Personal tenacity to handle severe emotional distress varies greatly from person to person. The most important thing in the face of such adversity is to somehow sail away from it at any cost. While it is immensely helpful to have an external support system that help you weather these situations, everyone has to be their own saviour in the end. Thinking rationally and not letting your emotions guide your course help you move on without much, if not completely free of, baggage. So you’re ready for the next thing that’s coming your way.
The society has unreasonably high impact on our personal lives, whether we like it or not. And through various inroads into our psyche, it tries to weigh heavy on expectations on the way we are meant to live. That doesn’t necessarily have to affect our major life decisions if we are headstrong and don’t give in to every thing the society expects of us. There’s no badge of honour in being the most socially accepted person. Everyone needs other people in their lives. But the extent of impact we let them make if things go south is completely on to us. Let’s try to keep our personal happiness in front of what’s generally expected out of us.
We go to the grave alone in the end, don’t we?